writerSandy
  • home
  • bio
  • events
  • teaser tuesday
  • blog
  • book of shadows
  • potions & herbs
  • contact

Hollow Bones

"In our life there is a time of wonder. Walking with the ancient ones as they share their world. And the dancing voices are carried by the wind. As I walk this sacred ground, I know I'm not alone, and I thank Mother Earth."  ~Alex Davis, Seneca Cayuga

Cleaning Your Emotional House

2/13/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
My husband, like most men, doesn’t ask for much this time of year. He’d like a good meal, a little appreciation for replacing the light bulb in the kitchen (it required a ladder after all). Then he wants to be left alone to watch the Chiefs plunder the Broncos.

This Valentines, on the other hand, I want…what?  I don’t know. Everything, I guess. I don’t care about the flowers or the chocolate. Instead, I want pure eros. Where the man truly yearns for the woman—body and soul. If you ever wondered why the Twilight series was so phenomenally successful, this is it: they depict erotic engagement very well. Not the act of sex, but taking full notice of each other.

As soon as I say this, of course, other issues seep in. I’ve gained weight this winter and don’t feel sexy. I have a writing deadline and will be late to bed. My son is coming home from college this weekend and I’d like to spend time with him. I just changed the sheets.

This integrative, overlapping aspect of a woman’s thinking is somewhat foreign to the average man. He knows that the kitchen needs updating, and that he and his wife haven’t had a real conversation in a week, but it’s just not as much on his mind as it is on hers. He compartmentalizes his thoughts.


Picture

According to Lucy Danziger and Catherine Birndorf, co-authors of The Nine Rooms of Happiness, this tendency to think in intertwined emotions is at the root of much female malaise. The authors imagine a woman’s life as a house of many rooms: love and sex (the bedroom), family and friends (The family room), health and appearance (the bathroom), nourishment and the division of chores (the kitchen), and my personal favorite, the place where you’re always wrong (the kid’s room).

Because our thinking is comprehensive, there will always be something that isn’t measuring up to our standards, and sometimes we let that dissatisfaction spill over into other areas of our lives, distracting us from taking pleasure in everything that is going right. The authors, one a psychiatrist and director of a women’s program, counsel that trying to solve problems in the wrong room, for the wrong reasons, can sabotage your relationships and happiness.

Back to my poor husband and my wanting to be adored. Is our issue really about sex? Does this discussion belong in the bedroom? Probably not. Looking at the guidelines and examples in The Nine Rooms of Happiness, I need to do some housekeeping in the bathroom (body issues), the office (bringing work home), and maybe even in the family room (time for son). To complicate things further, it’s possible I won’t alleviate my work anxiety in the office, because the real problem is a philosophical difference between my husband and me about earning and spending money. If that’s the case, I may want to take him with me to visit the basement, and explore our childhood memories of family money woes growing up.

The book’s concept gives an arrestingly visual approach to identifying and analyzing issues in your relationships. One thing I know for sure: my Valentine yearning for body-and-soul eros has little to do with a lack of sex. When we do return to bed, hopefully we will both be more in touch with each other’s’ feelings.

This month, instead of obsessing about the one thing in your life that are lacking, walk through the rooms of your emotional house, and let the things that are going right become the sparks in a chain-reaction to burn away the negative. When we clean house, we must first clear space to make room for something new. The same is true energetically: eliminate a negative thought pattern to replace it with happier thinking.

May your Valentine’s Day be filled with sweet thoughts.


0 Comments

    Author

    Writer, witch, mother and wife. Order of importance is a continual shuffle.

    Blog Updates

    Yes, I want to become a member of the Blog Updates Mailing List.
    Enter your e-mail address:

    Please confirm your e-mail address:


    Archives

    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    April 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    February 2016
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    March 2014
    September 2013
    April 2013
    July 2012

    Categories

    All
    13 Yule Lads
    Beach Wedding
    Beautiful Bride
    Beltane
    Blood Moon Eclipse
    Bucket List
    Caganer Figurine
    Candy Cane Flavors
    Carlton Hill
    Christmas
    Christmas Cat
    Christmas Pickle
    Climate Change
    Corvid Magic
    Crescent Moon Crossing
    Crow Magic
    David Richo
    Deaths In The Desert
    Edinburgh Beltane Fire Festival
    Essential Workers
    Free Book
    Holiday
    Hryla
    Human Smuggling
    Iceland
    Informal Marriage Ceremony
    Jarl Jung
    Love
    Love Potion
    Marriage Blessing
    Maypole
    Mexican Border
    Mindfulness
    Mother's Day
    NaNoWriMo
    Nativity Scenes
    Newlyweds
    Northern Arizona Snow
    No Tomorrow
    Pandemic
    Proposed Import Tax
    Psychology
    Raven Magic
    Scotland
    Shadow Dance
    Shadow Self
    Shadow Work
    Sinoloan Cartel
    Snow Days
    Snow Fun
    Super Moon Eclipse
    Suspense Writing
    Tarot
    Travel
    Trump
    Weird Holiday Traditions
    Wendy Rule
    Yule
    Zen

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.