“Over here, Seamus,” the raven-haired young woman called out to her companion, surveying the multicolored spring flowers in a small clearing in the trees. “There are hundreds of them! Beautiful!”

A tall young man with flame-red hair came rushing to Caitlin’s side. “Indeed, my darling,” he said, his eyes locked on her breasts, “they are indeed beautiful.”
Caitlin giggled, blushing. “The flowers, Seamus,” she said, sweeping her hand to show him the scene before them.

Photo by J.J. Raia Photo

“Those are nice, too,” he said, slipping an arm around her waist.

She took his hand and led him into the center of the little grove. “Come on now,” she said, setting down the large baskets she’d been carrying.” We have to collect them for tomorrow’s May Day celebration.”

“Aye,” he agreed, “for tomorrow. Which means we have all night.”

Caitlin laughed as Seamus moved closer. “I suppose you’re right,” she said, her voice becoming thick with emotion as she touched his arm and raised her eyes to meet his. “And with this many, we need not look further. These will fill our baskets with much to spare.”

“Let’s crush a few, then,” Seamus said with a sly smile, slipping both arms around Caitlin’s waist this time. “I mean, how else will we know if they smell good?”
       
She looked into his clear hazel eyes, which were shining with desire for her, as her own body began to sing with an equal desire.“True enough, my love,” she said as Seamus pulled her closer. “For surely it would be insulting to the gods to bring in the May with imperfect flowers.”

            ~Thuri Calafia, Sabbats Almanac

Ah, intoxicating, lusty, sensual Beltane, the Sabbat of love.

Beltane is the sweet yang to Samhain’s dark yin—a joyous celebration of life and sexuality. Yes, there’s a reason why it’s one of the most popular wedding months.

The followers of the Old Ways met on mountaintops and danced the spiral dance on the night before Beltane, called Walpurgis Night. The ancients believed that the earth appreciated the sexual energy expended in her open fields, that it stimulated the fertility of the crops and animals. 

Artist Maxine Miller

The original purpose of Walpurgisnacht, as the Teutons called it, was to beseech the Horned God, Cernunnos. One of the two primordial nature gods in central and western Europe, he embodies the vitality of animal life, just as the Green Man, who is seen in many current festivals today, represents the surge of vegetation in the spring.

Walpurgis Night was originally a hunt ceremony in which the tribe prayed for an abundance of deer and elk to be born now, to grow fat by Hunter’s moon in October, then feed the people through the winter.

The crucial step in the rites of the Horned One was to address prayers to the spirits of the horned animals who would be giving their lives in the months to come, to bless their sacrifice and ask their forgiveness from the clan’s hunters.
The next night farmers would drive their cattle between two sacred fires, called “need fires” to bring luck, fertility, and an abundant milk yield for the year. 

Probably the best known Beltane tradition is the Maypole dance. Dancing the maypole is a symbolic Beltane tradition that honors the sacred marriage of the Lord and the Lady, and the lush abundance of our world. The pole itself symbolizes the Lord’s phallus, pointing up to the sky, and the ribbons twined around it represent the Lady, as does the ring of flowers at the top, which gradually descends deeper on the pole as the dancers twirl.

There is so more I could share about Beltane, one of my favorite Sabbats. But I had eye surgery this week and am limiting my computer time to give my eye a chance to heal.

Until next time…Happy Beltane and Blessed Be.

I had the unpleasant experience of being stung in my bed by a scorpion last weekend. Three times, in fact, before I could get out of my nightgown and underwear.

Let me just say upfront: the “Harm none” doctrine does not apply to poisonous arthropods. Especially not when they come into my house, crawl into my BED, and attack me. We immediately got the black light and found him. He’s now on to the next life.

We are now going out into the yard to hunt his relatives every night until all scorpions are gone. It will take constant vigilance. They’re sneaky and prolific little creatures, and we’ve been finding them in the backyard for years. But—my bed, my place of peace and refuge—that’s crossing a line that cannot be forgiven. This is war.

Because I wanted to know exactly what we’re up against, I researched scorpions for my blog this week. The result is these 13 fascinating facts about scorpions, the Arizona bark scorpion specifically.

1 – Arizona is home to an especially nasty type of scorpion
The bark scorpion is found throughout Arizona, in the extreme southeastern portion of California near Arizona, and in southwestern New Mexico. In Mexico, the bark scorpion is found in Baja California Norte, Baja California Sur, and Sonora.

They reach a length of 3 inches and have a very thin tail only 1/16 inch wide; the body is yellow without stripes or patterns. The bark scorpion is the only common climbing scorpion and does not normally burrow but usually lives above ground under tree bark, in palm trees, and crevices of rocky cliffs or walls. Because it can climb block walls or stucco, this species is the scorpion most likely to enter dwellings.
​
2. Scorpions come out at night. Nocturnal creatures, scorpions find shelter during the day. They emerge to feed after dark and cease activity sometime before dawn. 

3. Scorpions glow in the dark. For reasons that scientists are still debating, scorpions glow under ultraviolet light. A scorpion’s cuticle, or skin, absorbs ultraviolet light and reflects it as visible light. At night, they glow a vibrant green under a black light. On a moonless night, scorpions can be seen at distances up to 30 feet. If you have scorpions on your property and want to freak yourself out, go hunting with a black light in a dark back yard. The little suckers will light up like green glow sticks.

4. Scorpions are attracted to moisture around pools, kitchen cabinets and sinks, and the bathroom/toilet. I lifted the soap dish from my kitchen sink last summer to clean it, and jumped half-way across the room when a scorpion scuttled from underneath the dish.
Scorpions also may be found in stacked lumber or bricks, firewood piles, cellars, and attics. It needs only a crack of 1/16 inch to enter a home.

5. Arizona’s bark scorpions can stick to the undersurface of objects and climb walls.  For instance, a seemingly normal rock in a garden, may have a scorpion clinging to its undersurface.  It’s not enough to raise that rock and check the ground below it. Always check the bottom side as well, to avoid becoming an easy target.

The bark scorpion is also the only type in the world that can climb up walls and hide on the ceiling, the back of curtains and other vertical surfaces. Yes, I have found one on the ceiling—on the second story of my home, no less.

6. The bark scorpion is the most venomous scorpion in North America. Its venom can cause severe pain coupled with numbness, tingling, loss of breath, even dysfunction of the area stung, e.g, a hand or arm can be immobilized or experience convulsions. Due to the extreme pain induced, many victims describe sensations of electrical jolts as the venom moves around through the body. I can attest to both severe pain, including electrical jolts, and to a buttock and leg that jerked involuntarily for hours. The major effects normally wear off in 12-24 hours, although the sting site may still be sore.

The good news: a scorpion sting, even one from the bark scorpion, does not always require a trip to the emergency room. Keep the sting victim calm and relaxed, and don’t allow him/her to consume alcohol or sedatives, although ibuprofen for the pain is ok. Clean the sting site with soap and water, and then apply an ice pack. Capture the scorpion for identification if you can do so safely. Fortunately, antivenom is available to treat more severe reactions, such as difficulty breathing, vomiting or swelling of the throat.

Of course, the best course of action is to avoid being stung by a scorpion in the first place. Don’t leave shoes, boots, clothing items, or damp pool towels outdoors where scorpions can hide. Shake all clothing and shoes before putting them on. Wear gloves when working in the yard, and wear shoes outdoors, especially during evening hours. A portable black light (UV light) may be used to check for scorpions in and around the home.
​
7. An antivenom was developed for the bark scorpion at Arizona State University by Dr. Herbert L. Stahnke, and produced in quantities sufficient to treat individuals within the state of Arizona. While this antivenom was not FDA approved, it was quite effective. Production of this antivenom ceased by 2000.  A Mexican company, Laboratorio Silanes, developed a new antivenom named Anascorp and received FDA approval in 2011; that is what is now used.

Mother scorpion with babies.
​Photo by Joe Phillips 2009

​8. Scorpions give birth to live young. Unlike insects, which generally deposit eggs outside their bodies, scorpions produce live babies. The gestational stage is several months, and litters of 25-35 young is not uncommon. After birth, the newborns ride on their mother’s back for protection until they molt for the first time, about three weeks after birth. While the bigger the scorpions look scarier, newborn scorpions are more venomous and deadly than the adults because the baby scorpions cannot control the amount of venom they inject per sting.

9. Scorpions have long lifespans. In the wild, scorpions typically live from 2-10 years; in captivity they live up to 25 years!

10. Scorpions can survive almost anything.  They can live for a full year without food. Because they have book lungs (like horseshoe crabs), they can stay submerged underwater for up to 48 hours and survive, so don’t brush them into your pool to kill them! They can live on only the moisture they obtain from their food, and they have extremely low metabolic rates and require only a tenth of the oxygen of most insects. Some species can be super cooled below the freezing point for weeks, yet return within hours to normal levels of activity. Conversely, desert scorpions can withstand temperatures of 47 °C (117 °F), which is several degrees higher than the lethal temperatures for other desert arthropods.

What that means for us humans is that scorpions don’t die out seasonally, they simply adjust their living quarters. If you’re fighting scorpions in your home, you may feel they are virtually indestructible, and with good reason. During US nuclear testing, scorpions, along with cockroaches and lizards, were found near ground zero with no recorded effects.

11. Scorpions eat just about anything they can subdue and consume. They prey on insects, spiders, and other arthropods, grubs, and earthworms. Larger scorpions can eat larger prey and are known to feed on small lizards and mice. A hungry mother scorpion will eat her own babies if resources are scarce.

Scorpion’s large pincers are studded with highly sensitive tactile hair, and the moment an insect touches these, it uses its chelae (pincers) to catch the prey. The prey is stung if it is relatively large, aggressive, or active. Otherwise the scorpion simply holds it and eats it alive. The chelicerae are toothed, and with these tools the scorpion chews the prey as quantities of digestive fluids secreted from the midgut pour over it. The victim’s soft parts are broken down, liquefied, and sucked into the scorpion’s stomach by a pumping action. The victim is gradually reduced to a ball of indigestible material, which is cast aside. Eating is a slow process, often taking many hours.
​
12. Scorpions are ancient organisms. If you traveled back in time 300 million years, you would encounter scorpions that look remarkably similar to their descendants living today. Fossil evidence shows scorpions from the Carboniferous period. The very first scorpions likely lived in the seas, and may even have had gills. By the Silurian period, 420 million years ago, they  had 

Constellation Scorpius

13. Scorpions are found throughout mythology and astronomy. In Babylonian mythology, the Scorpion Men were fearsome warriors. They were the children of Tiamat, the mother-dragon of the universe. Half-man and half-scorpion, they had human heads and arms and were scorpions from the waist down, with powerful tails that they used in combat. They also fought with their bows and arrows, which never missed. The Babylonians believed the Scorpion Men were the sacred guardians of their sun god, Shamash.

In a Greek legend, Orion was a follower of Artemis, the goddess of the hunt. Eventually, Orion is said to have raped one of Artemis' female companions, and she decided to kill him for it. Artemis sent the Scorpion after Orion, which tracked him down and killed him with his sting. Orion was then given a place among the stars, far away from the Scorpion to keep him safe. You can still see the constellation of Scorpio rising just as Orion is setting on the western horizon!

In Greek mythology Scorpius represents a scorpion that was sent into the heavens after being killed by the great hunter Orion. The scorpion was sent to destroy Orion by Gaia the Goddess of Earth after the great hunter grew arrogant of his powers.

Following the scorpion’s placement amongst the stars another myth grew involving Phaeton, the mortal son of the Sun God Helios. Each day Helios rode his sun chariot around the Earth bringing light and warmth to the world. One day Helios allowed Phaeton to drive the chariot with disastrous consequences. Phaeton drove the chariot too high which froze the Earth. As he rose higher in the sky he neared Scorpius, the creature reacted by raising its sting, noticing that the scorpion was about to attack Phaeton steered the chariot back towards Earth. Unfortunately he got too close and as a result set fire to the land, turning parts of the Earth into desert.

Scorpius is a large and bright constellation which is mainly visible in the southern hemisphere. In the Northern hemisphere the constellation can be seen in July and August, low on the horizon.

I hope you don’t have any up-close-and-way-too-personal encounters with scorpions like I had. But if you do, you will now be prepared. Let me know if you learned anything new in this blog about the creepy critters that glow in the dark.

Next week I’ll move onto more enjoyable topics, sex, love and pagan rites of fertility—Beltane!

Until then, Blessed Be. And wear your flip-flops when venturing outside after dark!

As promised, here are some concluding questions to ponder during your personal shadow work.  (I posted the first 10 exercises in my last blog).

Exercise #11- Secrecy
What parts of yourself do you keep hidden from your friends and loved ones? Explore why below.

Exercise #12- The Victim
Explore how you play out the following role in real life: The Victim (other names: slave, martyr). If you have been genuinely victimized in life, it’s important that you own the title of victim. But when you create an identity surrounding your victimhood, then you suffer tremendously. The biggest problem that the inner victim brings to our lives is self-pity and disowned personal power. When we don’t take responsibility for our prosperity, bliss, and contentment, our lives seem like a never-ending stream of misery – it can feel as though life is against us.
How does the Victim show up in you? Record your reflections below.

Exercise 13 - Biggest Fear
What do you fear losing the most? b) How does your biggest fear influence your decisions, habits, outlooks or relationships?
 
Exercise 14 - Egocentricity
In what areas of life are you egocentric, i.e. the world revolves around you and your needs? Be honest with yourself. Explore below.

Exercise 15 - Sexuality
What areas of sex and sexuality cause you to feel embarrassment, shame, disgust or inadequacy? Why?
Do you feel comfortable expressing your sexual needs? Why or why not?
 
Exercise 16 - Self-Confidence
In what situations do you most lack confidence? Write your response below. b) Explore how your childhood upbringing or social conditioning may have contributed to your insecurity. What outdated beliefs about yourself is your inner child still holding on to? Investigate below.

Exercise 17 - Self-Beliefs  
 A.) Explore something that’s really upsetting, depressing, worrying or frustrating you at the moment about yourself. Record your response below.
B) Next, think about what mistaken belief of yours might be contributing to this perceived problem.
To complete part (b), you will need to experiment with a basic self-inquiry exercise. The exercise is as follows: keep asking “why?” to the initial problem you wrote about in part (a) and you will eventually uncover your mistaken belief.
 
Here is an example of a worrisome issue someone might explore for part (b): “I feel ugly and fat. Why? Because no one ever compliments me and they always obsess over my best friend. Why? Because I’m overweight. Why? Because I eat too much. Why? Because I feel sad. Why? Because I feel like I’m unworthy of other’s affection.” The statement “I’m unworthy of other’s affection” is the mistaken belief here. Go as deep as you can and keep asking why until you reach an “I am [insert belief here]” statement.
 
Common mistaken beliefs include, “I’m not good enough,” “I am stupid,” “I am unlovable,” “I am bad and deserve to suffer,” “I am ugly,”  “I am irredeemably flawed,” and the list goes on. Take your time, explore below, and reflect on your discoveries
 
Exercise 18 – Flaws
List two major flaws of yours that you’re embarrassed about and how they can secretly be strengths. Transforming the negative within you into a source of strength is a form of shadow integration.

Exercise 19 - Lying
What lies have you recently caught yourself telling – and how do you feel during and after telling them? (There is no right or wrong response here, it’s simply material to reflect on.)

Exercise 20 - Immaturity
In what areas of life do you behave immaturely or like a child? Carefully examine every area of your life. Record your response below. b) Next, explore what unmet needs you might be trying to receive by behaving in a childish way.

Exercise 21 - Triggers
Part 1: Reflect on the past few days. What words, feelings, beliefs, habits, actions or behaviors of others triggered a strong reaction within you? This reaction could have been extremely positive (joy, laughter, admiration) or extremely negative (anger, disgust, hatred). Write down your discoveries below.
Part 2: Next to each reaction think about times when you exhibited similar behavior to the person who triggered a strong reaction in you. Be honest and have an open mind.

Exercise 22 - Expressing Anger
What is your reaction when people express anger? Record your answer below. b) How do you think your upbringing may have influenced your reactions?
 
Exercise 23 - Nasty Intentions
What was the last nasty or cruel thing you wanted to say or do to someone in order to make them feel bad? Write down your response and explore your feelings about it.
  
Exercise 24 - Intolerance
List three things you’re intolerant about in strangers or people you don’t know well. What shadows do they reveal about you? Explore, ponder, and speculate below.
 
Exercise 25 - Approval
What things do you do to secretly gain approval? (Examine areas in your life where you feel good about yourself based on other’s positive reactions.

Exercise 26 - The Judge
Explore how you play out the following role in real life:
The Judge (other names: critic, examiner). Everyone has an inner Judge – it is a necessary, fundamental part of life. Without the inner Judge we would make poor decisions, live disconnected from reality, and be incapable of self-reflection.

But when the inner Judge is too prominent in our lives, our minds are filled with harsh and critical self-talk and the impulse to condemn others. The inner Judge is a major cause of low self-esteem and is fueled by negative core beliefs and distorted thoughts.
How does the Judge show up in you? Record your reflections below.
 
Exercise 27 - Arguments
Think about past arguments and fights you’ve had with your partner, exes, friends, children or family members. Recall the nastiest and most serious disagreements and conflicts you’ve had. Write them down below. What were you accused of?
 
As always, approach this activity from a calm and neutral emotional standpoint. (If you find this activity triggers you by making you feel defensive, angry, and so forth, stop at once and do something else. Return when you feel levelheaded and try again.)
 
Can you find any recurring patterns in the gripes and allegations of wrongdoing others have made against you? For example, perhaps you have frequently been accused of being self-absorbed, naggy or deceitful. Write down your thoughts below and ask yourself, “could there be a shred of truth in these accusations?” Be honest. This exercise is to help you, and being dishonest to yourself only hurts you.
 
Exercise 28 - Attraction
Part 1: Think about what you love the most about your romantic partner or a close friend – a quality that immediately attracted or inspired you that you don’t possess. Document your response below.
Part 2: Reflect on the quality/s you just wrote about. Whatever positive trait you chose is likely a golden shadow of yours (i.e. a positive shadow quality) that you were never encouraged to develop. Below, explore how this positive quality was shut down within you as you grew up. For example, if you mentioned how much you love your partner’s artistic abilities, explore how your own inner artist was silenced or rejected growing up.
 
Exercise 29 - Humor
Think about your sense of humor. What do you find funny? What types of jokes make you laugh? (Your sense of humor opens a hidden door into the world of your shadow.) Styles of humor often include slapstick, self-deprecation, body-centered (e.g. sexual and toilet jokes), observational (e.g. on society), and dark comedy. What does your sense of humor reveal about an aspect of your shadow self?
 
Exercise 30 - Parents
What qualities in your parents do you most dislike or have trouble dealing with? What might these qualities secretly reveal about you?
 
Exercise 31 - Money
Part 1: Let’s explore the shadows lurking underneath your relationship with money. Answer the following questions below. Try not to think about your responses too much, just let them flow out of you naturally.
 
a) When I lack money I … b) When I have lots of money I … c) When someone asks me for money I … d) When the topic of money arises in my relationships I ...
Once you have journaled about these questions, do some analysis. Do any of your responses trigger feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger, or general discomfort? If so, underline the words, sentences, or concepts that put you on edge. Perhaps you will discover that you hoard, waste or ignore money. You might even find that money is tied in with your self-worth more than you thought. Whatever you underline reveals your money shadows.
 
Part 2: Think about the ways your money shadows have impacted your life. Explore how your financial habits, compulsions or insecurities have tainted your:
a) Friendships b) Relationships c) Self-esteem d) Self-fulfillment e) Spirituality
Answer below.
 
Part 3: Finally, explore three ways you can create more financial harmony in your life. Write these ideas down below and consider the easiest ways to actively incorporate them into your life across the next two months. Remember, it takes about 60 days to create a habit, so think about actionable tasks you can take every day to reverse the impact of your shadow’s perception of money. Remember: money itself isn’t evil. Money is simply a symbolic medium of exchange. Instead, it is our relationship with money that is the issue.

Exercise 32 - Blind Spots

Get an outside objective perspective on your shadows. Ask a trusted friend or loved one to reveal any blind spots, vices or imperfections you might have that you aren’t aware of.
 
This activity needs to be done with a calm mind, open heart, and thankful spirit. Be careful of jumping to the defense, getting angry or (worst of all) throwing insults or raging at those who are simply trying to help or enlighten you at your request. Be aware that their responses may shock, trigger or catch you off guard, so go prepared to hear the worst! Respect both your courage and theirs for choosing to share. Write down what they reveal about you below. Also record any physical, emotional, or mental reactions that you immediately noticed arise within you after hearing their feedback.
 
Finally, keep in mind that their feedback might be a projection of their own shadow onto you, so ideally ask for feedback from two or three trusted loved ones to get a well-rounded picture. Make sure you thank your loved one/s and give them a hug or kiss to end this activity. If it helps you to feel safe, ask your loved ones for reassurance that they still love and accept you. This activity can sometimes feel a little destabilizing, so find ways to make yourself feel safe and held by those you trust.
 
Exercise 33 - Ancestral Trauma
a). Reflect on any dark secrets lurking within your family and ancestral line. Think about what tragedies, scandals, addictions, horrific events or forms of abuse have occurred that your family prefers to suppress, deny or ignore. Record them below.
b) Explore how the ancestral trauma within your family has had a ripple effect on your own physical, emotional, and psychological makeup.
c) Examine how you can put an end to these ancestral shadows once and for all.
 
Exercise 34- Body Pain
Reflect on any sources of frequent or chronic pain in your body. What kinds of emotions may be stored within these areas? To begin this activity, connect with the part of your body that hurts, breathe deeply, and relax your mind. Ask your body, “what are you trying to tell me?” or “what do I need to know?” and wait for a response by closing your eyes and tuning in. Record any images, words, scenarios, memories or symbols you receive, below. This exercise can sometimes take a bit of practice, so don’t worry if you come up blank. Just try again when you feel ready. Storing emotional pain in the body is what psychologists call it somatization and it can reveal a lot about your buried shadows.
 
Exercise 35 - Shadow Letter
Give your shadow self a voice. Sit somewhere quiet and focus on your breath for a few minutes. When you are ready, light a candle, mentally envision a circle of protection around you, and tune into your inner ‘dark voice.’ If it helps you to feel more comfortable and protected, you may like to call on any higher forces you believe in to support you such as Spirit, God, Goddess, your Spirit Guides, Higher Self or Soul.
 
Once you feel grounded and supported, ask out loud or in your mind, “Dear Shadow, please talk to me. What would you like to tell me?” We recommend keeping a few loving affirmations ready, just in case you need to use them to counteract any overwhelming negativity that might arise. Close your eyes and write whatever pops into your mind during your shadow journaling and don’t censor any of it! Let it all come out naturally, no matter how scrambled, cryptic, disturbing, offensive or explicit it is – it’s your shadow self, remember! When the words stop flowing and you’re done, blow out the candle, and take a few moments to connect with your heart. How do you feel? Repeat your loving self-affirmations with heartfelt sincerity. Reflect on what your shadow has expressed to you below. What words, concepts or feelings jump out? These will be essential to reflect on and revisit regularly.
  
Whew! That’s quite a list of exercises.
Did you get through the entire list? Any “aha!” moments you’d like to share?
Keep in mind, this is just the tip of the iceberg on questions to help you identify your shadows. If you’d like the FULL workbook, go to www.lonerwolf.com.
And, as always, be kind to each other.
I’m leaving shadow work next week and celebrating all things Beltane. Fun! Flowers in your hair! And sex, of course. So put your shadow work aside and come dance around the maypole with me.

Poet and author Robert Bly wrote an essay that struck a chord with me. It explains where all the emotional baggage we’ve accumulated actually comes from. The beginning of his essay follows:

The Long Bag We Drag Behind Us     
“When one or two years old, most of us had 360-degree personalities. We were literally balls of energy radiating from all parts of our body and psyche. But as time went on, we noticed that our parents didn’t like certain parts of that ball. “Can’t you sit still?” Or, “It isn’t nice to hit and bite.”  

“To keep our parents love, we started an invisible bag, and we put in that bag the parts of us our parents didn’t like. By the time we got to school, our bag was quite large. There, we added our teachers’ comments. “Play nice with others, don’t be bossy, don’t be so self-centered, and don’t get angry.” So we take our anger, our sense of self-importance, and put it in the bag.

“As teens, we do an extraordinary amount of bag-stuffing in high school. This time it’s no longer the evil grownup that pressures us, but people our own age. So the student’s paranoia about grownups continues.

“I so maintain that out of that round globe of energy the twenty-year-old ends up with a slice. Let’s imagine a man who has a thin slice left—the rest is in the bag—and we’ll imagine that he meets a woman. Let’s say they are both twenty-four. She has a thin, elegant slice left. They join each other in a ceremony, and this union of two slices is call marriage. Even together the two do not make up one person!

We spend our life until we’re twenty deciding what parts of ourselves to put into the bag, and we spend the rest of our lives trying to get them out again. Sometimes retrieving them feels impossible, as if the bag were sealed. Suppose the bag remains sealed—what happens then?”
​          ~(from A Little Book on the Human Shadow, HarperCollins 1988)

I know my own son lied all through high school automatically, to try and be accepted by the most popular kids. He’s still lying to us in his 20’s, but now it’s to gain favor and avoid fights with his girlfriend, who carries an extraordinarily heavy bag.
 
When I read Bly’s essay, I felt like he was speaking personally about their relationship. Hell, he was also talking about me. And any number of other friends who will remain unnamed.

He warns that there is a very significant downside to repressing parts of ourselves: they begin to fester and amplify, sabotaging our lives. “Like hungry monsters clawing to get out of a dark basement, our shadows want to be brought into the light of consciousness,” Bly says. “The longer we put off facing our shadows, the more they stealthily control and manipulate our lives. Like puppets on strings, we become vulnerable to the control of our dark side in moments of anger, stress, temptation, jealousy, or tiredness. Instead of learning to meet, acknowledge, and befriend our wounded parts, we make them our mortal enemies. If you have ever felt at war with yourself or like you are your own worst enemy, it is because your shadows are controlling you, not the other way around.”

The fact is that we all have skeletons hiding in the closet and monsters lurking in the depths of our minds. We all have nasty tendencies we refuse to acknowledge, and wounds we haven’t been able to face.  We all have repressed anger and unacknowledged greatness buried deep inside.
​
All right. I get it. There’s work to do. But…how does one know where to start?

I’ve actually been working on my own shadow for nearly three years, and always find myself going back to a favorite book, David Richo’s Shadow Dance (I referenced his book in this current series of shadow work blogs, and also in Jan. 2017).  Richo, a psychotherapist, shows how to use active mindfulness to work with our shadow side when it manifests negatively in personal life, family interaction, religion, and the world around us. He was formerly a Catholic priest, but I think the “feel” of his books is more mystical and esoteric.

He draws on his readings of the poets, Greek mythology, Hinduism, Zen, and his own experience of the Holy Spirit to illuminate the path into the dark parts of our human nature.

The book contains essays which lead you down the path of doing your “shadow work,” with each essay followed by a section of journal exercises and topics to ponder.

However, it’s not for everyone. I used to use the book for a class I taught on shadow work, and some of the students complained that Richo’s approach was overwhelming. There were a lot of tears in every class. I don’t think that’s any reflection of Richo’s teaching; looking inward and facing personal demons is hard work.

I continued to research, and I think I’ve found another source as good as Richo’s Shadow Dance, and written in down-to-earth language that divides the shadow work into more easily-understood sections.

The workbook I’ve referenced below is by Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol. Luna is a psychospiritual counselor and writer who escaped the religious cult she was raised in, and now works to help others become conscious of their own entrapment and find empowerment. Mateo Sol was born into a family with a history of drug addiction, abuse, and mental illness, and was taught about the plight of the human condition from a young age. Sol’s mission now is to help others experience freedom, wholeness and peace in any stage of life. Together, Luna and Sol run a spiritual self-discovery website, www.lonerwolf.com .

I’m including a selection of questions from their shadow self workbook. If you’d like a copy of the entire workbook for your personal use, please go to their site.

Shadow Self Workbook
Following is a series of simple but powerful questions and activities which will help to shine a light on shadowy areas of your life that you might be unaware of. As shadow work should always be preceded by and/or incorporated with self-love, you will find some self-love activities within this journal as well.

Shadow work is an extremely deep form of inner work and should not be taken lightly. If you struggle with low self-esteem, we encourage you to focus on the self-love aspects of this journal instead. If at any time you feel intensely uncomfortable or disturbed by any shadow work activities within this journal, please stop immediately and practice self-love. Without self-love, shadow work can easily make you feel a million times worse about yourself. And we don’t want that! So always strive to incorporate self-care and nurturing self-compassion into and shadow work that you do.

Please note that not all questions within this journal will necessarily help you or be applicable. However, do pay close attention if you feel strongly tempted to skip or avoid any question – this is a sign that your shadow self has been provoked! Also be aware that it’s possible for you to project onto another person a quality that they really do possess. Psychologists call this “projecting onto reality.” So for instance, if you think your father is an out-of-control tyrant, you may be simultaneously disowning and projecting your own shadow onto your father as well as seeing him for what he actually is. However, remember that this journal is about taking responsibility for your own shadows, not pointing the finger at others. You cannot change others, but you can change yourself. Let’s leave it at that.

Exercise 1 - Playing Small
a) In what areas of life are you holding back and playing small? (Think about the times you consistently feel weak or small.) Write your answer below.
b) Try to put a face and name to the part of you that feels disempowered. What does it look like or sound like? How old is it and where did it come from? What name would it choose to call itself? Record your response below. By personifying this afraid and suppressed part of you, you’ll be more capable of understanding an important part of your shadow self.
 
Exercise 2 - The Saboteur
Explore how you play out the Saboteur role in real life. (Other names: destroyer, serial killer, mad scientist). At the very core of the inner Saboteur festers the desire for complete self-destruction. Fueled by self-hatred, the Saboteur within us is a wrathful companion that destroys everything beautiful within our lives. Relationships, friendships, careers, health, mental stability — nothing stands in the way of the Saboteur’s desire for self-annihilation and oblivion.
How does the Saboteur show up in you? Record your reflections below. 
 
Exercise 3 - Negatives and Positives
What negatives or positives do others point out about you that you have trouble accepting?
 
Exercise 4 - Emotional Suppression
Emotional suppression and repression often point to areas of shame buried within you. Reflect on the following questions and record your answer below:
a) What emotions do you rarely express around others? b) When did you first start hiding these emotions?
 
Exercise 5 - Hot Buttons
What are your “hot buttons” or triggers that cause you to get angry or defensive in the presence of others?
 
Exercise 6 - Family Members
a) What qualities in your family members do you most dislike or have trouble dealing with?
b) What might these qualities in your loved ones secretly reveal about you?
  
Exercise 7 - Tolerance of Beliefs
In which areas of life do you tend to expect others to conform to your beliefs? b) What scares you the most about allowing others to have their own beliefs in the above areas?
 
Exercise 8 - Self-Criticism
When are you the most critical of yourself? Explore what your self-talk sounds like below.
 
Exercise 9 - Self-Love and Gratitude
Self-love activity: Describe five things you love about yourself and feel gratitude about. (Gratitude has been scientifically proven to enhance your happiness and wellbeing – these are important qualities to carry into shadow work).
 
Exercise 10 - Self-Love Letter
Self-love activity: Reflect on a period of life where you were at your worst (i.e. most self-destructive, addicted, numb, argumentative, etc.). Write a short, but heartfelt letter of understanding, acceptance, and compassion for that version of you. You can return to this letter later whenever you feel rotten about yourself.
 
I’ll post another 10 exercises this weekend when I conclude our month of shadow self blogs. And remember, if you’d like to delve deeper, the entire 50+ question workbook is available at www.lonerwolf.com.
 
Be good to yourself, and Blessed Be.